I got down to 153.8 on Saturday morning but because I had some friends over on Saturday my good efforts were compromised - but at LEAST I'm still 154.4 this morning. I was expecting 156 again and I swear to god if that had happened I would have had some form of a breakdown. But. It didn't! I got my hair dyed on Saturday like I'd been wanting to for SO LONG. I'm brown again! Truthfully I feel my fringe area is a bit dark but it will fade, and after a few months have passed and some roots have grown in I am sure it will look much more natural. Here's hoping. I won't include a picture because I'm entirely way too fucking fat to do that so you're just gonna have to deal until I feel more like an actual human being instead of a walking blob. My hairdresser had to cut off around an inch and a half of hair as well which makes me feel very sad but it will grow back. I feel a little bit nakey though with it gone... My hair is my security blanket and even with it being only marginally shorter I'm still feeling the difference. Give me a few months and all will be well.
What else. Oh! I have an interview with the School! In all honestly it's a little bit scary, though. I've been feeling conflicted because the wage for it is so much less than I'm on now, but I am truly miserable where I am now so it's just a matter of weighing up positives and negatives. I've concluded that the only negative (thus far, of course) is the wage, whereas my current position has a whole bloody boatload of negativity.....
My interview will take place on Thursday at 11:15, so I've booked the day off with work and I had to do the very dreadful thing of plucking up the courage to tell my manager that I'd like the day off to attend an interview. She was super lovely about it which made me feel rather guilty if I'm honest. But if you feel you aren't progressing in your role, what else is there to do? So I'll be there at 11:15 on Thursday, I've bought myself a new adorable blouse from Hell Bunny to wear, some cute little jelly dolly shoes with bows on the front (as all my other cute shoes have been lost in various moves and/or fallen to bits), and I THINK I'm going to wear my blazer so that I can try and make a good impression. I may be ever so slightly overdressed, but better to be overdressed than under, right?
But... I am conflicted. In truth I don't know how I will feel until proabably when I get there and things will reveal themselves over the course of the interview. There's going to be a student tour where one (or more) of the children will show me the school, which is a rather adorable idea. Rich has told me that that happens when you're interviewed for a teaching position, so it makes sense all staff must do the same. My dad is also going to come and have a talk with me before I attend the interview to go over some pointers as he used to be a teacher before he retired. I have all this support, but I'm still feeling as though I don't know which direction to take. I really do hate how difficult things ALWAYS are. Please can I catch a break?! Rich and I went for a walk at Longshaw yesterday and talked things over, he was a little upset because of our financial situation but I don't think there's much else we can to do alleviate it. We just need to get ourselves to the end of September when we both should have an income and things should be easier. But the world is so cruel and unforgiving - It really does feel as though this country especially places such great focus on the already rich and provides little to no help for those who struggle. It just makes me feel so disappointed that we've ended up living in a country that's so unfeeling. Fend for yourself, "just stop buying so many lattes and avocado toast and you'll be fine". This narrative needs to die.
Excuse me while I go and escape into the woods in attempt an to leave all this stress behind me...
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Current Music: Two Waves - Holy Fawn.
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