4:26....am.
So, let me update you: Since I last wrote, an inordinate amount of stuff has happened. The most notable being I MOVED OUT OF MY DAD’S AND IN WITH MY BOYFRIEND! (Cue shock and/or horror).
I now live in the cutest little basement flat, surrounded by copious guitars and spooky and kooky trinkets. I have the most adorable little fluffster cat called Mr. Jeff (yes, he is a Sir) who is an absolute DARLING - he’s the biggest snugglepuss in the universe, and although we have had him only 3 days, he has settled in incredibly well. I bloody love him. I also dyed my hair red/pink again in true Belle fashion but it is fairly dark as I have not bleached it yet, but I probably absolutely will, it’s only a matter of time.... Photos of that to come later, I suppose.
But the real reason I’m back here again is because I have put on SOOOO MUCH WEIGHT I AM NOT EVEN KIDDING. It’s actually absurd; you’d think at almost thirty-one I’d have kicked this fecking habit of ruining myself with food but noooo. Here she comes to wreck the day. So I’m doing it again, throwing myself in to the world of diets because I have to or I’ll lose my fucking mind. Yesterday I set a crap ton of reminders on my phone that will basically go off later today to remind me to stop being a bloated fat piece of shit basically, haha. It’s insanity, though, that I do this ALL THE FECKING TIME.
In 2020 I was actually a weight I didn’t mind: I wasn’t my thinnest, but I wasn’t by any means fat, either. So I’m planning to get back to that realm of the goal, before I try and lose a bit extra on top of that. That was about...123lbs, ish? Right now I can almost guarantee that I am over 140lbs (AGAIN, fuck). I will update my true weight tomorrow when I wake up... Or today, as it’s now 4:37am. My alarm is due to go off at 6am because the boy will get up for work and I have to help shove some toast into him and bundle him out of the door in time for his bus because we haven’t got a car. Then I’ll take myself back off and bundle up in bed until 8:30 when my actual alarm goes off - I’ve got it all planned out, y’know.
This week I’m gonna try and get into the habit of waking up at 8:30am and falling out of bed into the shower as I’ve been feeling so lacklustre as of late, getting to about 2 or 3pm and thinking “ugh, I don’t even want to get dressed”. Which cannot go on. So I have resolved to go down the rabbit hole and fix this from the morning.
Bleh. Wish me luck?
<3
P.S. I made my wallet cry and bought some clothes from Killstar as thinspo because WHEN I lose weight I will look so incredibly badass and make summer my bitch:
Hopefully the image isn’t too teeny-weeny to see. I’m gonna go for a walk later today because I want to do this whole 30 Day Walking Challenge thing for this month’s edition of “how many things can I fail at this time”. Hahahaha, kill me.
🌙🌟
Current Music: No music. Just the deafening sound of my failure fml.
