In Which: We are approaching the weekend but I still hate myself lol.

156.0lbs today. UGH. 

Last night I tried on some old jeans of mine from 2020 that are that super ripped up cool-punky-skinny type and I couldn't even FATHOM how much I struggled to get them past my arse 😭. I honestly don't understand how I've managed to put on so much weight in such a short amount of time, I could fit in them in spring 2021..... 

There was honestly about a 5 inch gap between the button and the button hole. I hate this. HATE THIS. I hate that my weight has been crazy this week as well, this time last week I was 154.8lbs so I've basically put over a pound on this week somehow. I'm trying to think, though, that every time I try on clothes that don't fit they are just motivation pictures:

September 2020

June 2022

In about a year and a half I've gone from the picture above to the picture below. It's disgusting, it makes me want to be sick! But I'm trying, and I HAVE lost SOME weight according to My Fitness Pal, but clearly not nearly enough. I've decided I'm going to try and have a better action plan and incorporate more exercise into my week, so I've set a reminder on my phone for 5pm each day for me to get on the exercise bike after I finish work for 30 minutes. That shouldn't be too hard. All I need to do is stick to my calories, try and get more exercise and eat a bit more mindfully (which I have been doing). Ideally I'd like to look better than the picture of me from September 2020 so that I can know that I've kicked my own ass. Achievable, right? 

I've made some coffee because that's "bowel friendly" in the sense that it should get things moving lmao. I've also changed my weigh in day from a Saturday to a Sunday because I've noticed I'm getting too fucking cheeky and going "I've gone down now, fuck it, let's eat ALL the things for the rest of the weekend" and that is a terrible, terrible idea. So no more of that. EXERCISE AND STICKING TO MY DEFICIT. COME ONNNNNNNN. Pray for me the scales move back down tomorrow, please. PRAY FOR ME. 

 🌙🌟

P.S. Still nothing back from my application, but the deadline isn't until 27th June, so I have to hang on a little longer still...

Current Music: Omit - Grivo/The coffee machine bubbling away behind me